Confessions of a Skinny-Fat Man Part II (18-25)

One of my first thoughts this morning (after coffeeeeee…..must make coffeeeee and move cats I’ll feed you after I make coffeeeee……and damn it Kramer….get out of my way--you can see in the dark—) was that  I've never seen a salad eating contest.  Really, who would want to "train" for that?


Like so many other things, a quick Google search found that there are
http://www.metro.co.uk/news/838481-worlds-first-salad-eating-competition-is-food-for-thought


Granted, I'm no Takeru Kobayashi, Joey Chestnut, or even Adam Richman, but I have occasionally (at least in my late teens/early twenties) tested my metal (errr....stomach) against food. [Here, once again, I must apologize to anyone currently on a diet.] 


Could I eat a large supreme pizza? Yes. Have I? Yes, I have, yes. Two Carne Asada burritos, a fish taco, and a quesadilla? Yes, please.  A +20oz prime rib at Georgia's and the Owl in Amidon, ND? Yep. (Oh, and the last one was on a date w/ Dawn Rae before we were married.....poor girl.)


Was there a certain amount of male posturing or machismo involved? In the above examples, no...just the appetite of a young man with a high metabolism and a bad habit of occasionally skipping meals (no longer young--but the other stuff is still pretty true).  In the following example, however, I have to admit that it was pretty much a "guy thing."


Anyway....The following occurred before I was 21 so no alcohol was involved.  A group of us went out to a restaurant (with plans to see a movie later).  Lucky us: the restaurant was offering all you can eat buffalo wings.  


I'm reasonably sure that it all started innocently enough.  In other words, I don't think it started as a competition. BUT... at one point we decided (again, remember, no beer was involved...but it _was_ all you can eat) to see which one of us could eat the most.  I think it was just four of us.  Two stopped after 20 or maybe 30....which meant one "big" plate and maybe 2 or 3 rounds of smaller plates...nothing that would piss off the waitress given that we were prob. drinking water.  

Did I mention that .....one of the guys was at least 6'7 and 300lbs? Oh...and he didn't stop after 20 or 30.  Neither did I; at this  point you can probably guess why. 

And so it began: 35, 40, 45, 50.  After around 50 I think the bartenders started paying attention. 55, 60, 65. At this point they were probably bored.  66,67, 68....yep, at 68 the big guy stopped....finished...finito.  

I did not.


70...could have stopped at 70; 2 more, that's reasonable right? What part of 70 wings is reasonable though?  


80 probably should have stopped at 80. Nice round number.


90 didn't stopped at 90 but couldn't eat more than 93. Well past 68 and 7 below 100.  

Why? Because I could and the other guy was 6'7 .....Still wish I would have made it to 100.  Just for the story. I will not round up though....wouldn't be right.


No, I didn't get sick....just in case you were wondering.

Part III to follow.
 

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

Ya' know what I like about holidays? FOOD: the traditional holiday food, playing with traditions and adding new recipes, and, of course, having a captive audience to feed new foods and new ways of cooking familiar ones. 

That being said, Valentine's Day is a bit of a let down, food wise.  Wait, you might say, Valentine's Day is about Love, Chocolate, Flowers, and men (young and old) taking their significant others out to dinner (insert gender stereotype here.....) But...I don't bake, and I bought flowers for Dawn Rae exactly one week ago.

I braved the grocery store today (that was complete with a tent in the parking lot for last minute shoppers....no comment). Yes, the check-out lines were long, and the store was filled with men (and women, lest you be left out) buying balloons, roses, various other bouquets, plants, stuffed animals, and (what I assumed was) Valentine's day cards--all conveniently located at the front of the store. 

The produce area was barren; the meat counter empty; the bakery (as you might guess) was busy. 

Perhaps I should ruminate on the consumer culture and the convenience of buying cupcakes or a king cake but....in some ways I understand; it's Tuesday, and everyone has to work (and--as importantly--work tomorrow) so I don't imagine that too many couples my age will be downing more than a glass of champagne tonight or spend a couple hours after work cooking. 

Given that it is a day of and for love, dinner tonight will be all about Dawn Rae, but my choice of meal may not be that different than those who go out for dinner.  That is, I haven't really changed our Valentine's Day menu in awhile.  Surf and Turf  (today minus the surf because the shrimp looked questionable and the crab legs were, well....$$$$). 

Menu:
Prime Filet for Dawn Rae
Choice "manager's special" for me
Asparagus (with some kind of sauce: buerre blanc, bearnaise, or hollandaise)
Baked Potato
Crostini (just rubbed w/ Garlic)

Now that I look at it, I may have to make a compound butter if I have time and forget about the sauce.  It will work for both the steak and the asparagus.  It also helps that the parsley that I planted last year is now growing.

A special thank you goes to my colleague Ramey Prince for bringing (artfully designed and expertly baked) cupcakes to work today.  Dessert tonight: one cupcake for Dawn Rae.  

Excess and Overindulgence (Or Confessions of a Skinny-Fat man)

[With apologies to anyone who has been or is currently on a diet].  I did use a tiny bit of creative license with my previous post, fish did, in fact, mean on more thing growing up: an occasional trip to The Trapper's Kettle in Belfield, ND and eating as many bowls of clam chowder ( (New England--this was before I discovered its less cloying cousin) as I could stomach.The "chowda" was served in what looked like miniature cast iron caldrons (double, double, toil and trouble, I just finished my 16th bowl ...) which fit the general ambiance of the place (and I'm pretty sure that the deer heads, traps, and pelts still adorn the walls).  This experience, like many of my early acts of overindulgence, stemmed from a youthful exuberance resulting from first the fact that we didn't go out to eat that often and second that because my dad was nearly always on a diet, all of us were on a diet.  This second fact meant that breakfast was usually Cream of Wheat, oatmeal, Cheerios, or Wheaties and--if we had them--all junk food like Doritos (my mom and sister's favorite) were hidden somewhere in the house.

This is not to say that I didn't eat well growing up or that I didn't gain an appreciation for food and cooking (as I hope is obvious); that being said, however, what kid doesn't crave the sugary sweet cereals he or she sees advertised during Saturday morning cartoons?  (Another obsession but that's a story for another day.) After what I imagine was weeks--if not months--of whining (Mom....mom....please.....please....please...can we buy some Trix), my mom finally gave in and bought us a box of Trix at her Saturday trip to the grocery store.  The following morning after church I sat at the dining room table and ate bowl after bowl of Trix (Cora probably had one or two)..................................I stopped at 12.....I'm pretty sure I stopped at 12.....it's all a blur now.....

Within at least one hour (while I was watching Basil Rathbone as Sherlock Holmes--another "treat" after church on Sundays), my suffering stomach revolted in a way not seen until I discovered alcohol.....Needless to say, I still have not had another bowl of Trix.....

This ends Part I of the Confessions of a Skinny-Fat Man.....

How I learned to stop worrying and love eating fish

When I was growing up, having fish for dinner meant one of two things: If it was Lent, then it meant prepackaged frozen fish-sticks on Friday; if it was summer, then it meant eating what we caught--everything from crappie and bluegill to walleye and perch (an occasional bullhead or catfish as well).  I'm sure that my mom made an occasional tuna casserole ("HotDish") or tuna fish sandwiches, but to my young mind, fish really meant either something pretty awful or something really good. Of course, former relates to denial--and the deaf ears to my pleading to give up fish for Lent.  And the latter to freedom--of early mornings and long afternoons eating sunflower seeds and staring at bobbers until their image was imprinted in my mind.


Although neither Catholic nor a fisher-woman, Dawn Rae's experiences with fish were close enough to mine that she would only eat fried shrimp or fried cod until shortly after we were married. As with most things related to food, I considered these restrictions a challenge: find ways to incorporate fish in our weekly (errr......monthly) meal plan (errr.....plan?....anyway).  Since we've been in Louisiana, DR will now at least try fish that has not been copiously breaded and fried--although it (and homemade tartar sauce) is still necessary if I want to avoid leftovers.

Speaking of Louisiana (and barring a smooth transition), one would think that there would be a literal cornucopia of fresh seafood available at grocery stores here.  I mean, it's a coastal state, right? Known for seafood, right?  Maybe if one lives in New Orleans that's true...otherwise, not so much.  The options that are available seem to be the 3 "Cs" of northwestern LA: Catfish, Crawfish, and Crab.  That's fine if you want to deep fry, buy 20lbs of live crawfish, or make gumbo.  Good, yes. A once-a-week meal, no. In a word, unless I want to drive an hour or so, LA is a disappointment as far as fresh seafood goes.

Shrimp, well...., there's always that guy on next to the interstate or the the seafood market that sells fresh frozen in 10lb lots. It's always a toss up between the frozen crap from China at Walmart or spending an afternoon shelling and deveining.  Don't listen to Rachel Ray (for this and many other reasons): if you want to cook fresh shrimp, expect to work......"EZ Peel" is a misnomer.

So why have I spent so much time on something that at this point (if you're still reading) seems anathema to my tastebuds? 3 things: Oysters on the 1/2 shell, sushi, and grouper from the Gulf Coast of Florida.  A 3 day vacation in Destin, FL means fresh fish at nearly every meal.  Where oysters in New Orleans are  often muddy, those in Destin are clean  with a glorious saltwater aftertaste; where sushi here is good but not extraordinary, there I can get unctuous uni for $8.00; where here I have to get by with hockey puck style frozen Grouper, there I can eat both grouper fillets and "cheeks."  Nothing is needed except the grouper, lemon, butter, and a heat source: yum.  And, they are a good source of Omega 3s---helpful, or so my "real" doctor tells me.

PS: don't get me started on Tilapia: mealy, tasteless, and overpriced . Definately do not order it at a restaurant.
 
Next time: thoughts on excess and overindulgence--from clam chowder and chicken wings to turkey and pulled pork.